A Constant Flowing
The week began with me trying to find what was on the other side of fear.Trying to discover the answers on the other side of I don't know how to move forward. Trying to discover exactly what would happen if I stepped out of the way and let the Spirit take the lead.
I began the week fully committed to own every moment.
When the Spirit called I was going to jump even if it didn't make any sense to jump at all.
So when the text came on Wednesday from a friend who was in over her head with too many loads to carry, and not enough minutes in the day, and a Christmas tree still standing decorated in the living room, and the Spirit said she needs your help I jumped.
I texted right back, "Meg and I are coming to help you take down Christmas on Saturday."
It was after the jump that my logical mind stepped in…
what are you thinking? you don't have time. those minutes that there aren't enough of… those loads that are too many…. you have those. what are you thinking?
But remember? I replied. This week I am not thinking.
I am jumping.
So Meg and I went to my friends house on Saturday. The one who I love. The one who makes me happy every time I walk through a door and she is there. The one who Meg idolizes for all the good she is constantly doing.
And I think to myself, it is good that we are here.
For whatever reason. It is good.
And then an interesting thing happened. As we packed up Christmas we unpacked my life. Bit by bit. What was behind the fear. What was prompting the hesitation. What needed to happen if I was really going to move forward in just the way the Spirit was gently pushing me to do.
This dear, dear friend…who knows me so well, but has the gift of being able to step back and see with perspective…laid out the steps I need to take to move forward in a way that didn't overwhelm.
The Spirit knew she could do that.
And if I just answered the prompting to help gather up her Christmas, then she could answer the plea I had been praying morning, noon, and night to help gather up my life.
What if I hadn't jumped?
I drove home with fresh perspective. Enthusiasm replacing hesitation. And a new commitment began to form in my heart.
I have to continue living like this.
This making myself uncomfortable. This owning every moment.
It's changing the course of my life.
And I realize that the most good will come according to the amount I allow the Spirit to direct my life.
What if I allowed the Spirit to be constantly flowing into my heart?
What would that look like?
What would that feel like?
I feel a nudging that there is a lesson to be learned here. That there are certain behaviors that will allow me to qualify for the Spirit in greater amounts.
This week I am going to pay special heed to the moments when I feel the Spirit constantly flowing…AND to the moments when I don't.
I am going to take note of what I am doing in both of those situations. And then I am going to adjust my life. I can't afford to live without the Spirit. I need to learn exactly what qualifies me for an abundance of the Spirit…a constant flowing. That is the life I want to live.
"The Holy Ghost satisfies and fills up every longing of the human heart, and fills up every vacuum. When I am filled with that Sprit my soul is satisfied, and I can say in good earnest, that the trifling things of the day do not seem to stand in my way at all. But just let me lose my hold of that spirit and power of the Gospel, and partake of the spirit of the world, in the slightest degree, and trouble comes; there is something wrong. I am tried, and what will comfort me? You cannot impart comfort to me that will satisfy the immortal mind, but that which comes from the Fountain above. And is it not our privilege to so live that we can have this constantly flowing into our souls?" --Eliza R. Snow